4 április, 2008
A CAGE WENT IN SEARCH OF A BIRD, A CAR WENT IN SEARCH OF A SEATTLE BOOKSTORE:
NORTHBOUND ON I-5,
PART II.
Elliott Bay Book Co. did a terrific calendar listing for their newsletter flyers & website: “The Elliott Bay Book Company / Seattle's legendary independent bookstore / R.V. BRANHAM & Friends / Friday, April 4 at 7:30 p.m. / Various forms of fun will roll off the tongue no doubt, as a contingent of people arrive from the delightful, Portland-based, internationally-inclined literary journal, Gobshite Quarterly, in the presence of editor R.V. Branham and others, all to inform, educate (and entertain), with the newly released book, Curse + Berate in 69+ Languages (Soft Skull). Depending on where one is and under what circumstances, there is much that could prove quite handy. "Overflowing with invectives, curses and blasphemous belittlings, the book is more than a resource guide for becoming a multilingual potty mouth. This is a valuable book for bridging communication barriers, making it possible to say such important things as 'millananyawshanmi' - Quechua, for 'I feel like throwing up ...' - David Walker, Willamette Week.”
Channing had gone up to Seatac the night before ... he used to live there & has all sorts of ties, family & otherwise.
Channing would join us at the bookstore. Sarah, however, was studying for finals...
So twas just Moira & I.
We’ve been up to Seatac several times, usually for something at Elliott Bay, and have gone all the way up to Canada, & to Vancouver BC several more times. But we always stayed on I-5.
I am familiar enough with the highways & by-ways of Northern California & Oregon... & what problems could there be with Washington.
We loaded the icechest with tuarine energy drinks, lemonade, & proscuitto hoagies, & kettle chips, & mapquest quest maps, and left NE Portland at noon. (We live just south of the Columbia River, and a mile & a half east of I-5, so it was just a few miles to Washington State proppah.)
It was pouring, but I had just replaced the windsheild wipers, and the traffic on I-5 was not too insane. (What you have to worry about more than anything on I-5 are sudden fog banks, and their zero-visibility.)
We had to stop in Olympia & see someone at Evergreen College about some CURSE+BERATE related business.
This involved leaving I-5, & going onto 101, & entering the maze of Evergreen College.
Evergreen is one of those beautiful wooded campuses, like UC Santa Cruz, rendered truly hermetic by its physical isolation.
Once done, we asked about getting back to I-5, as our mapquest quest maps.
“Just take 101,” we were told. It gets back to I-5 eventually.”
At this point we were theoretically 60-70 miles from Seatac.
Theoretically.
One of the problems with natives of the Pacific Northwest is that they lack the gene for giving directions.
Things like north or south or left or right are not in the vocabulary, not even filed in the cortex, not available conceptually, ontologically, not on any level.
In Oregon they will say, “Just turn at the next Freddy’s...” (Fred Meyer stores are everywhere in Oregon, and as map references completely useless.)
In Washington they say, “It gets back to I-5 eventually.”
Remember, we were at this point theoretically an hour or so away from Seatac.
But we were heading west & then north, passing military bases we had not seen before, and then suddenly in a National Forest.
We saw a huge deer with huge antlers cross the road and then a moose. After the deer, the moose somehow seemed anti-climactic.
And we saw a body of water, a part of the great Puget Sound, or one of its canals. But it was to our right. And sometimes there was a rail, and sometimes not. But there were no shoulders.
The traffic was one-lane each way, and heavy, and the rain made the road look like a creek.
And clouds came down to the trees to scratch their backs.
And more deer, and more traffic snaking each way, wanting to exceed the 45 mph postings.
We began to feel like location scouts for McCABE & MRS. MILLER.
Eventually, near Port Townsend, we saw a utility truck by the side of the road.
The worker, originally from New York or Pennsylvania (by his accent) said we needed to either go up to Port Townsend, still 50 miles ahead or go 15 or 20 miles to the Hood Canal Floating Bridge, which would lead us to the Kingston Ferry, which would take us to Edmonds, 15 minutes north of Seattle via I-5.
After 12 miles, & no signs, we stopped at a café, & were given semi-coherent directions on the turnoff for the Hood Canal Floating Bridge.
A nearby gas station, where we spent $60 on gas & got even more muddled directions.
A customer gave yet another version on finding the turn-off.
By triangulating the directions, and thoroughly fucking them up, we actually managed to find the turn-off for the bridge.
The Hood Canal Floating Bridge was one of the most impressive bridges I’ve ever seen.
The rain got heavier once we got to the other side and we were passing mile after mile of bed & breakfast & antique shop.
We were now on a two-lane highway, and the traffic was Friday-afternoon-heavy.
Finally a sign, indicating Kingston & a ferry. There were seagulls everywhere...part of the local ferry seagulls guild. (They were very different from the seagulls we occasionally see on the Columbia, naot necessarilly a different species, but a different seagulls guild.)
We queued into a parking lot to a far-end lane. Another twenty minutes, and we were directed onto the boat, and parked on a second deck. We were able to get out of the car, and consider the cafeteria, the restrooms, the various large scale maps, the stacks of the Seattle Weekly & the Stranger (which had failed to list us, the bastards, the fascist mother fuckers) and the observation seats with their floatation devices stored beneath.
Moira photographed gulls & other ferries & our ferry’s wake.
Just when we were getting comfortable, we had crossed the sound, and were about to land in Edmunds. We were told that the main road from the ferry led straight to I-5, and that it would be easy as pie from then on. It was still raining, and indeed was overpowering the local storm drains, if the curb tsunamis were any indication. Eventually we got to I-5, and into Seatac, with its Tarkovsky-Solaris freeway, and of course we missed our turnoff because we were coming from the north instead of the south.
Having gotten lost in Seatac more than once, I know some of the side streets fairly well, so we took the first turnoff into the industrial zone and dog-tailed our way back to Elliott Bay Book Co.
Elliott Bay is on First Street, near the Alaska Viaduct (where there is lots of free parking). We had agreed to meet an hour before the event so we could rehearse and tighten the sequence.
Rick Simonson was our contact person, personable & enthusiastic about the book. I mentioned that The Stranger had failed to list us, despite press releases & phone calls & review copies. Rick was very apologetic, and had been a Stranger intern, and knew were the bodies were buried, & told us how The Stranger had failed to list their calendar for the coming week. (Apparently Constant or Frizelle managed to get us into their on-line calendar with a suitably cheeky & snarky & accurate listing.)
Channing was running late, & a couple of cell-phone calls revealed that he was caught on the freeway in Tacoma.
We began without him. I did a brief reading from my intro, and Moira improvised some comments, & read a brief something from Channing’s intro.
There was an okay turnout, including Channing’s girlfriend & her mom & another friend. (Yet no Channing.)
And then we did an orchestrated selection of words & phrases.
We were in the Q & A section when Channing arrived, so I had him read some of his favorite invective & insults, especially the Japanese & Gaelic bits.
& I asked the audience members what were their favorite swear words, in whatever language. We signed an immense stack of books, & then retired to a local bar to gossip with an old friend who now lives on Vashon Island, but works for a stock photo agency in Seatac.
But that is the batucada of another carnivale, so here endeth this account.